Keeping your Passion in Marriage

Keeping your Passion in Marriage


Marriage Keepers maintain passion in their marriage by keeping the following nine principles:


  1. Keep Communicating – Make sure each day you take time out to talk to and encourage one another.  Remind each other how much you appreciate one another.  Have regular marriage meetings when you discuss just the positive things about your marriage.  Always talk about your future together.
  2. Keep Courting – Do not fall into a rut because you expect your spouse to be there always and you do not have time to court anymore.  Keep going out on dates, writing love notes, and acting silly with one another.
  3. Keep Managing – Be a good steward with your income and stay out of debt.  Debt causes stress on the marriage.  Know how to manage your money through sowing some, saving some, and spending some.  Remember:  when there is bad finance there is little romance.
  4. Keep Surprising – After a couple has been together a while, they tend to get a little bored.  Take an impromptu vacation, try a new move in the bedroom, and get dressed up for a night on the town with each other.
  5. Keep Exercising – Tend to your health through proper diet and exercise.  You both want to have a good quality of life and this is done by taking care of your bodies.  Make sure you have an exercise routine and eat properly.
  6. Keep Romancing – Statistics prove sex is one of the most important parts of marriage.  Make sure you keep your sex life on fire.  Have sex as often as you can.  Make areas in your home conducive to romance, where the two of you can have privacy and tranquility to enjoy sex with one another.  Do not forget that kissing and touching your spouse is a great way to keep the heat between you burning.  Every once in a while give your spouse a long passionate kiss that does not lead to sex.
  7. Keep Celebrating – Remember to celebrate the special times in your marriage.  This includes your birthdays, wedding anniversary, and holidays.
  8. Keep Remembering – Make sure your take and keep pictures of you having fun with one another over the years.  Look at these pictures periodically to bring back old memories to encourage you to build new memories together.
  9. Keep Trusting – It is difficult for couples to recover from lying to one another or cheating.  Preventing infidelity and working to improve the relationship you have rather than seeking a new one is important to keep your marriage safe.  Without trust, your partner will not be able to love you and keep passion and romance alive and your marriage will become difficult.


Open Communication in Your Marriage

Open communication is when couples feel safe and secure enough to have straight talk with one another without the fear of negative reprisal.  If you’re unable to have open communication both spouses will become distant and closed to talking to one another.  This will lead to serious issues in your marriage that may lead to divorce.  The key to having a successful marriage is open communication.

Effective communication makes open communication work.  Effective communication is the skill set to use the correct words to convey your disagreement to another person for their clarity and feedback without escalating the disagreement.  Effective communicators cause growth in your marriage relationship.

Use the following principles taken from James 1:19 to help you become an effective communicator:

James 1:19.  So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.


  1. Be swift to hear: Be ready to listen first.  Always listen to understand your spouse’s point of view.  This may be an old issue and you’ve heard it before, but don’t prejudge their comments and you may hear something new every time to help you come to a resolution. The first rule of effective communication is at all times listen to understand before you try to be understood.  
  2. Be slow to speak: Get clarity before you speak. Always make sure you understand what your spouse means before you respond with a charge or a defense for your behavior or actions.


Here is how you can get clarity every time in communication:


  1. Repeat to them what you hear them saying
  2. Tell them how you receive what they are saying
  3. Ask them is this what they mean by what they’re saying


3.  Be slow to anger: Stay in control.  Always remain under emotional control. You’re not always going to hear what you want to hear. An effective communicator remains under control and suspends accusations that will escalate the offense and prohibit one spouse from wanting to continue in dialogue with them to resolve the problem or disagreement.


Accusations start sentences with “you” by definition. Here are some “you” statements:  “You did this.”  “You did that.”  “You made me feel awful.”  These are fighting words and will, more than likely, put the other person on the defensive.


When you use the word “you” it does not inform the person how you feel.  You must use the word “I” to have the opposite effect:  “I feel this way….”  “I was hurt when…..” and “I get frustrated by…….”   These phrases help to create sympathy with how you feel and are the first steps to resolving conflicts.


Effective communicators avoid fight, flight, fake or fold during communication:


  1. FIGHT – You disable it. You try to avoid your own hurt by attacking your spouse to disable them in the conversation. You blame, judge, criticize, belittle, yell, hit, push, or curse them.


  • Your Aim: strong-arm the other person into loving and supporting you and your way.


  • Why it never works: It closes the spirit of your partner toward you even if their actions seem to fall in line with my wishes.
  1. FLIGHT – You avoid it. You avoid hurt by avoiding all contact with your spouse or the real issues of your marriage.  You withdraw, pout, become silent, or keep a physical distance.


  • Your Aim: Keep the peace, without ever really making peace.


  • Why it never works: It never deals with the issue. There is always a distance in the relationship.


  1. FAKE – You swallow it. You pretend that everything is alright. You sacrifice your real needs with a smile. You even begin to believe your feelings are not valid.  Your motivation is fear of losing your love one.


  • Your Aim: to keep the image of a happy marriage


  • Why it never works: It builds resentment in the heart of the faker:  dishonesty blocks the natural expression of love


  1. FOLD – You assume it. You give in and assume the blame.  You never fully value or communicate your own feelings. You say, “It’s my fault.”


  • Your Aim: You want to avoid rejection.
  • Why it never works: It causes depression


Principle:  All successful marriages have open communication through effective communication. If you’re unable to have open communication both spouses will become distant, and closed to talking to one another.  This will lead to serious issues in your marriage that may lead to divorce.  Continue to work on the principles for effective communication so you can have open communication in marriage.